Don’t believe in retrograde? Get this: Mercury went into its thrice-annual retrograde beginning on July 26. By July 28, all the racks and shelves in my closet came crashing down, my diet completely fell off, and I managed to fight with my mom, dad, and brother, all within two days. I totally understand that blaming all the weird stuff that happens in life on the shifting of planets sounds like a fluke, but I can’t think of a better explanation for all the crap that’s gone on lately. Luckily an Essie Mercury In Retrograde nail polish restock is coming, because I don’t know how else to deal with this celestial-imposed assault on my personal life.
So here’s a more technical account of Mercury’s retrograde: Three times per year, Mercury, the ruler of communication, travel, technology and intellectual thoughts changes orbit for about three weeks at a time. Although every planet goes into retrograde from time to time, Mercury’s cycle is the most frequent and most well-known of all. During these three-week periods, the way you communicate with people is especially risky (we’re good now, but just ask my family!). Travel plans are likely to go awry and technology is especially vulnerable to glitches around this time (so keep a close eye on that iPhone of yours for now).
Mercury’s retrograde is here to ruin our lives until August 19 — that’s a little over two more weeks left of emotional drama, and general life garbage. Literally the only thing helping me hold it all together is my beauty routine. When I look good, I feel good, and I’m not about to let a planet (not even Mercury) f*ck with my cat eyes, manicures and blowouts. If you’re like me, and you need an escape from our current overdramatic orbiting issues, look no further than a sparkly nail polish to show you the light at the end of the tunnel.
Essie’s Mercury in Retrograde collection first launched on July 18, and I’m realizing I’m not the only one channelling my frustration into my beauty routine. Just 13 days later, Ulta’s website is already announcing a restock, available on August 3. In case you’re not one of the beauty junkies that contributed to the brand selling out of their celestial stock, here are the details on the new collection.
The collection consists of two shades: “Keep Calm…,” and the other cleverly named “…& Mercury On.” That’s a Mercury in retrograde pep talk if I’ve ever heard one. “Keep Calm…,” is a heavenly iridescent sky blue shade with a silvery finish, packed with flakes of lavender throughout.
“…& Mercury On,” is a deep shade of royal purple shimmer with hints of blue highlights that mimic the deepest depths of the galaxy. In some lighting, the shade almost looks black, which is perfect for mourning your broken technology, struggling relationships and ruined travel plans.
Mark your calendar for August 3 and hit Ulta’s website first thing. Then, next time Mercury’s retrograde has got you down, you can reach for your new nail polish, brush on a spacey-shade, and brush off all the BS.